February 2016 Newsletter

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What’s on at Northern Beaches Counselling & Mediation

A Couple’s Journey

02/01/2016

No Mistakes – Just Lessons to Be Learned

Jan 27, 2016 11:08 am
I often receive questions from my clients who are feeling uncertain about their futures even going so far as to say they might actually hesitate getting into a relationship for fear of it not working out. Firstly let me say that this is a normal response to any big decision you might make whether it […]The post No Mistakes – Just Lessons to Be Learnedappeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

How to Create a Happy Marriage

Jan 20, 2016 11:01 am
Some of the issues that disrupt a relationship can include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person for the difficulties that will and do arise, excluding or discounting the other’s feelings when focusing on a task, having no clear and defined objectives as well as where roles and expectations of each person […]The post How to Create a Happy Marriage appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

Who Wants Better Sex?

Jan 13, 2016 11:02 am
Research has shown that the biggest issue that couples have to deal with in their relationship is …. Finance! But guess what? The next biggest one is their sex life. When couples come into counselling the first session is very much about finding out about their relationship history. I ask them questions about how they […]The post Who Wants Better Sex? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

How to Catch a Cheating Partner?

Jan 06, 2016 11:06 am
Couples often come to a stage in their relationship where things no longer go so smoothly and they start asking questions about their future. This is a normal stage of development for all relationships. And rather than shying away from it you would do better to take a close look at where you are in […]The post How to Catch a Cheating Partner? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

Relationship Remedy

02/01/2016

Love at First Sight – Reality or Just a Fantasy?

Jan 28, 2016 03:55 am
You never get a second chance at making a great first impression. Research has shown us that you make a decision within the first 10 seconds of meeting someone about whether you like them, or not, and about whether you want to pursue a relationship with them or really can’t be bothered at all. […]
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When Can We Have Sex Again? – Rediscovering Sex After Pregnancy

Jan 20, 2016 05:07 am
A common question I’m asked after a couple has just had a child is: “When can we have sex again?” The short answer is: “When it feels right”. Sadly it is most often he who is ready before she is so when it doesn’t happen as he expects then this can lead to feelings of […]
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Is Your Partner Your Best-Friend?

Jan 13, 2016 08:59 am
How important is it in marriage that your partner is also your best friend? For me the most important part of being married is that you do consider your partner to also be your best friend: There for you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. And who but a […]
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Why Do Some People Shy Away From Love?

Jan 06, 2016 12:05 am
A question I received just recently was from a young man who said that he falls in love at the drop of a hat, or maybe that should read heart, and then just as quickly feels an equally strong need to withdraw from the relationship when it gets to the part that she is asking […]
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Love Lies & Games

02/01/2016

Some More Facts about Game Playing

Jan 26, 2016 04:34 am
Here are some little known facts about the games we play with our partners in relationship: Games are not played only between people in a romantic relationship. They can also be played between family members, between work colleagues, between friends and even between “teams” of people. You need two to tango. All players have […]The post Some More Facts about Game Playingappeared first on Love Lies & Games.

Insignificant Games and Serious Games

Jan 14, 2016 10:43 pm
We need to spice up our life every now and then and, as my husband and I so often do, we play teasing games with each other. But when do games that are played in jest become something more serious game with a negative consequence for the relationship? And how do we tell them apart? […]The post Insignificant Games and Serious Gamesappeared first on Love Lies & Games.

Levels of Consciousness

Jan 06, 2016 11:08 am
Your memory stores all kinds of information from your life’s experiences. We make sense of those events, attach them to other events as we deem appropriate and store them, no matter how trivial they might seem, somewhere for future reference as needed. You might surprise yourself by how much trivia you seem to have stored […]The post Levels of Consciousness appeared first onLove Lies & Games.

Am I OK? Are You OK?

Dec 23, 2015 11:03 am
What does it really mean to be “OK”? Is there a formula that we need to follow to in order to be okay? When are we okay? Is it when we feel loved and respected, or when we feel someone needs us and that make us feel important? Is happiness something to fight for or […]The post Am I OK? Are You OK? appeared first onLove Lies & Games.

Quick Links:

A Couple’s Journey
Relationship Remedy
Love Lies & Games

Upcoming Events

Have You a Question About Relationships That You Really Want Answered?

Here is your chance. Come to this Seminar titled: “Ask the Relationship Guru” and discover the answers to your most pressing questions about relationships.
Click here to learn more.

Are You Relationship Prepared?

This Workshop will address some of the things you should know before you say: “I will go out with you!”

In just one day you will learn 3 simple strategies you can implement immediately so you make the best decisions when looking for a relationship…

Click here to learn more.

Quizzes & Questionnaires

The “Chemistry” Test

Here’s a test to measure how well your sexual relationship is working.

Answer the following questions about what’s true or false for you and your partner.

Click here to start the quiz.

What’s Your Favorite Position?

To discover your favorite place in the games you play with your partner, try this quick quiz.

Check off the responses that feel most like you. The position that has the highest number of checks in the “frequently” column is the one from which you are most likely to play your games.

Click here to start the quiz.

Other Quizzes & Questionnaires

Click here to find out more.

January 2016 Newsletter

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A Couple’s Journey

 

The Secret to Winning Her Back

Dec 30, 2015

Here’s the story of Tom and Pamela. They met;fell in love, and everything seemed so right. To him that is. For her it was far from right. Then one day, out of the blue, she tells you she’s “had enough” and is gone, or worse still, she asks you to pack your bags and […]

The post The Secret to Winning Her Back appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

How to Get Through Christmas Day

Dec 23, 2015

Stressful events, like Christmas, are always a great test for relationships. Most often however these events seem to just bring out the worst in people as they attempt to manage all that there is to do to bring families together. The wish is always that these times are remembered for the good things and not […]

The post How to Get Through Christmas Day appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

How to Decide With Whom to Spend Your Life?

Dec 16, 2015

One of the most difficult things in life is to make a choice when both options seem to be equally superior. No matter what we need to make a choice on, after selecting one we can still inevitably question our decision and sometimes come to believe that we might have made the wrong one. This […]

The post How to Decide With Whom to Spend Your Life? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

What Is Most Important – Sex, Love, or Communication?

Dec 09, 2015

You might have read hundreds of articles that say that communication is very important for a relationship to grow. You might have heard millions of people saying that a relationship can’t exist without love. And some people understand sex as the most essential ingredient of a healthy marriage. Actually, love sex and communication are all […]

The post What Is Most Important – Sex, Love, or Communication? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

 

Love, Lies and Games

Am I OK? Are You OK?

December 23, 2015

What does it really mean to be “OK”? Is there a formula that we need to follow to in order to be okay? When are we okay? Is it when we feel loved and respected, or when we feel someone needs us and that make us feel important? Is happiness something to fight for or it is something that comes to us when we’re done the battle with ourselves?

To sum it up – each of us is either predominantly OK with life and how it’s progressing, or not. I think you might be able to guess which is better. Victors live out a very clear “I’m OK and you’re OK” life script, while both Visitors and Victims live out a predominantly “I’m not OK, you’re not OK” life script.

Let’s look at this from the perspective of the Survivor’s Triangle.

The Aggressor

Aggressors are the bullies of…

The post Am I OK? Are You OK? appeared first on Love, Lies and Games.

How Survivors Play Out Their Life Games on the Game Triangle

December 17, 2015

All Psychological Games get played from one of three positions. These can be seen in action on the Survivor’s Triangle.

I call it the “Survivor’s Triangle,” because, while games are destructive, you play them in response to whatever you were taught, or decided, as a child. It was the way you learned to survive in your family and in society.

As well when you are a child you ‘by default’ need to be taken care of, to be helped and pampered because you are a tiny and weak creature. You simply need to survive as a child biologically and later on emotionally so you naturally do whatever you need to ensure that happens.

Survival or Imprisonment?

Each of the triangle’s corners represents one of the three stances that someone might take in a game…

The post How Survivors Play Out Their Life Games on the Game Triangle appeared first on Love, Lies and Games.

 

Relationship Remedy

Will I Be Able To Love Again?

December 30, 2015

This is the question that comes up for us when we have lost love. This might be as a consequence of our partner saying they no longer wish to be with us or if they have betrayed us in some way such as in having an affair.;It’s nothing short of absolutely miserable when you are deceived by the one you put all your love in, all your faith and trust in.;So the real question here might be: Do you think that people can love again after they have been left or betrayed? The answer is absolutely yes !;Firstly that one person who betrayed you was not the last human being on earth. There are plenty more. And there are those who are worthy of your love and who will truly love you in return. And sometimes you just have to make a decision to move on…

The post Will I Be Able To Love Again? appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

Why Do We Lie?

December 23, 2015

There’s a joke told about politicians that goes like this: “How do you know when a politician is lying?” The answer: “When his lips are moving!”;The truth is we all tell lies!;The more modest ones are called “white lies”, they are generally harmless and don’t upset people too greatly if discovered. Such lies tend to be said to save someone’s feelings, like when we compliment someone about how they look, or to save our own, such as when we make up reasons for my not being able to do something when we really don’t want to do it anyway.;Lies can be by what is said as well as by what is not said.;Men and women tell different kinds of lies. Men most often tell lies to protect themselves. They may lie to you about the way you look, they may say that you look good no matter what you wear. They just do not want to break your heart, they want you to be happy. Such lies are very sweet, in fact, if your man tells you such lies, then you should be very happy…

The post Why Do We Lie? appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

When the Fighting Becomes Too Much

December 16, 2015

I received this very sad letter not so long ago so am making it the focus of this blog article.

“Why is it that I and my girlfriend quarrel/argue every week for she says she doesn’t trust me and tells me every time that she doesn’t want to marry me?

I love her so much and want her be my wife. I have thought of things that she thinks that creates the argument, but when i start to work on those things it works a little while but fails and never lasts.

I am standing on two conflicting ideas. Marry her or start over another relationship.

What she says when she gets angry out of nothing gets me crazy. Even now, we are not giving phone calls to each other.

The post When the Fighting Becomes Too Much appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

When She/He Just Like To Complain

December 09, 2015

It seems like some people just like to complain. No matter what you do, you cannot make them happy. From trivial mistakes to great blunders, they do not let go of a single opportunity to tell you that you’ve done something wrong.

These types of behaviour are really just displays of low self-esteem. These may even be the victims of the world trying just trying to help themselves feel better.

The post When She/He Just Like To Complain appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

What If He Hasn’t Said “I Love You!”?

December 02, 2015

The phrase “I love you!” is a very important one for couples to hear from each other and especially so when the relationship is moving from a casual acquaintance to a more permanent one. It is like the official announcement that he, or she, really is in love with you and through these words is making a commitment for a long-term relationship.

But sometimes, and maybe particularly men, can take a long time to say “I love you!”. This can be for a variety of reasons

The post What If He Hasn’t Said “I Love You!”? appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

December 2015 Newsletter

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A Couple’s Journey

 

The Secret of a Good Marriage

Nov 25, 2015 11:01 am

A good marriage is the ultimate dream of every person in relationship. From the moment the decision to marry has been made right through the preparation of the wedding ceremony; the couple can’t help but to create their own fantasy about a good marriage. Unfortunately, for some it only ever is a fantasy. The reality […]

The post The Secret of a Good Marriage appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

 

Love versus Infatuation

Nov 18, 2015 11:02 am

When we first meet someone we can sometimes confuse a very strong feeling of attraction towards them, one that we might think is love, for what is actually infatuation. We might then notice our attraction towards that person decreasing and we realize that if we act on this feeling too quickly we may have made […]

The post Love versus Infatuation appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

 

I Am Not In Love – Can I Still Be Happy In a Relationship?

Nov 11, 2015 11:16 am

I think this question needs some qualifiers first about love and what is love as well as about relationship and what is relationship. In this context I will use love to mean any deep and meaningful caring of one person toward another. So I can truly love my partner but I can also equally love […]

The post I Am Not In Love – Can I Still Be Happy In a Relationship? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

 

What Is God’s Will for Me?

Nov 04, 2015 11:06 am

From my reader:   Thank you for this opportunity. I hope your site can help to educate many in the area of marriage, so that we can have a community of very happy people-to the glory of God. The following are the common burning questions: – For believers, they want to know if the person […]

The post What Is God’s Will for Me? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

 

Relationship Remedy

 

Jealousy – the Green-eyed Monster

Nov 25, 2015 12:08 am

Sometimes couples come into me with an issue around jealousy, otherwise known as the “Green-eyed Monster”. When you feel jealous of someone, the slightest gesture of deception seems to be the greatest betrayal of the world. You cannot see them talking and socializing with anyone, you just want them to pay attention to you and […]
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How to Find Unconditional Love in Your Relationships?

Nov 18, 2015 12:00 am

I’ve already addressed in another article what is unconditional love but let’s review. Put simply, and as the words would imply, unconditional love is love that is given without the expectation of anything in return. Conditional love, on the other hand, is the love that is given in response to love received and generally has […]
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Does Unconditional Love Exist?

Nov 11, 2015 12:06 am

There’s a saying I’ve heard, and possibly even said myself, which suggests that the only love that is unconditional is the love of a mother for her newborn baby. The adage goes on to say that maybe this only lasts twenty-four hours or until your first sleepless night. To answer this question let’s firstly look […]
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Is Marriage Going Out Of Style?

Nov 04, 2015 12:06 am

You may already know that I have four children, all adults, who are starting to look at entering into long term relationships now that their childhood has passed them by […]

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Love Lies & Games

 

Common Reasons for the Games People Play

Nov 25, 2015 11:02 am

In the previous article I talked about a very delicate and manipulative game we grown-ups play sometimes. The game is ‘Why Don’t You…?’ and ‘Yes, but…’ Some people have played so much; they don’t even realize that they are playing it. Why though? Common reasons for the games people play In the previous article I […]

The post Common Reasons for the Games People Play appeared first on Love Lies & Games.

 

An Example of the Games People Play

Nov 20, 2015 01:50 am

Grown-ups mind games: ‘Why don’t you..?’ and ‘Yes, but…’ When we were children, we all used to play games, most of them funny and harmless. The older we got the more intensive the games became. And because a child’s mind is so easily shaped the games he observes, and is often a party to, during […]

The post An Example of the Games People Play appeared first on Love Lies & Games.

 

The Purpose of the Games People Play

Nov 11, 2015 10:35 am

People often ask me – why are relationships so complicated? The short answer is – because there are two in the game. The games people play are a complicated mix of roles that are lived out unconsciously and driven by the equally unconscious need to stand by them on a daily basis. In short these […]

The post The Purpose of the Games People Play appeared first on Love Lies & Games.

 

The Games People Play

Nov 05, 2015 12:53 am

One thing is certain – human relationships are a complicated maze that has no entry or exit signs. It’s as if we start a relationship with our eyes closed, groping our way to the entrance of the maze but without a clear vision. We have no map or knowledge of how long it will take […]

The post The Games People Play appeared first on Love Lies & Games.

November 2015 Newsletter

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A Couple’s Journey

 

How Come the Sex Is Great but We Don’t Know How to Talk to Each Other?

Oct 28, 2015

Good Sex and good communication are possibly two of the most critical components in determining whether a marriage or a relationship is a happy one. And maybe, along with love, is what makes a relationship strong enough to make the distance. If your relationship lacks any of these three components, you definitely need to do […]

The post How Come the Sex Is Great but We Don’t Know How to Talk to Each Other? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

Relationships When There Is a Disability

Oct 21, 2015

An email I received through the last week was from someone who was asking about entering into a relationship with a person disabled, in this case, by childhood polio. There are many relationships the world over where one or both parties to the couple have a disability of some sort. This could be physical, such […]

The post Relationships When There Is a Disability appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

Get Him Back in Three Simple Steps

Oct 16, 2015

Friends and the Media are full of ideas about how to get your boyfriend back after he has dumped you. Here is a sample of some of the things that I have heard and read: “Getting your ex back is not difficult. You just have to be a bit subtle and think from the point […]

The post Get Him Back in Three Simple Steps appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

What Happened To The Magic In Your Relationship?

Oct 12, 2015

Click on the flyer to see it in full size. If you would like to attend the seminar please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the seminar”. Some excerpts from my workshops.

The post What Happened To The Magic In Your Relationship? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

Equality in the Relationship

Oct 10, 2015

Can There Really Be Equality in the Relationship? Before I can answer this question I think I need to define the terms ‘equality’ and ‘relationship’. The term relationship, by its very nature, implies a connection between two individuals with a shared benefit for both parties. While this might imply equality it may or may not actually […]

The post Equality in the Relationship appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

 

Relationship Remedy

 

I’m Pregnant and I Don’t Feel I Love Him Anymore

October 28, 2015

There’s another question that goes often comes with this one and that is about the satisfaction many women feel in having given birth. It’s like the child now fulfills all her love and sexual needs some even saying that the very act of holding a child in their arms and/or breast-feeding the child gives them immense sexual pleasure so much so that some women even report the experience of an orgasm every time they feed their child…

The post I’m Pregnant and I Don’t Feel I Love Him Anymore appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

Are You Addicted To Love?

October 21, 2015

Marriage is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make in your life and maybe only second to becoming a parent. Consequently it is crucial that it is a decision made with considerable thought and care to ensure that, as much as possible, it will create a lasting relationship. Having said that I have never come across anyone who made a decision to marry with the intent of divorcing and yet, as we know, more than 40% of first marriages do end in divorce and the statistics are even higher for second and subsequent marriages – 60%++…

The post Are You Addicted To Love? appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

He says he wants me but will not commit

October 17, 2015

To know in your mind, and feel in your heart, that you are in a committed relationship and that whatever happens, your partner will still be there for you, brings a sense of security to those in the relationship that love alone cannot provide. One thing I often ask a couple when beginning work with them is whether they are committed to each other as well as to the relationship. The answer to this question is even more important than the answer to the question – “Do you love your partner?” as the two may actually not be mutually inclusive…

The post He says he wants me but will not commit appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

Indicators That Your Relationship Is In Deep Trouble

October 11, 2015

Why Do My Parents Hate Each Other So Much? I was speaking to a young boy this week, let’s call him Mat (not his real name), who asked me a question about his divorcing parents – “Why do my parents hate each other so much?” I found myself searching for an answer and finally said: “I don’t believe your parents really ‘hate’ each other but maybe are just so angry with each other, and with the situation they are in, that it looks like they really hate each other…

The post Indicators That Your Relationship Is In Deep Trouble appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

 

Love, Lies and Games

 

Effective Communication in Action

October 18, 2015

When you look at the solution to a problem from a different perspective then everything gets easier. Child’s play really. If you imagine two adults who are playing tic-tac-toe and are competing for the win you are going to see the big picture as if from a bird’s eye view. Let’s accept for a moment that the game is a dispute. I put an “x”, my partner puts an “o” and we continue like this one after another. The tension is getting stronger. Who is going to win? At some point my partner puts his “o” and draws a smile. I smile back, I accept the dispute from its amusing angle and I understand that my partner’s intentions towards me are positive. I quickly grasp the wink. A game or a dispute, call it whatever you want…

The post Effective Communication in Action appeared first on Love, Lies and Games.

Relationship Rules for Effective Communication (Part 2)

October 11, 2015

Body language, power of words, facial expression, position of the hands, waving of the hair – what do all of these mean to you when transferred into everyday communication? Is the reading of every gesture part of effective communication between people? Is it non-verbal language? I am asking myself, isn’t this the key to Relationship Rules for Effective Communication?;Of course, my experience as well as all of the big books written on this topic prove that each gesture or movement of our bodies expresses our inner condition in a moment of conversation, in a moment of a dispute, or even in a moment when we say “I love you” to our partner. In order to be a good converser and listener at the same time you need to acquire a few simple skills and mostly you have to learn to read the code o…

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