July 2016 Newsletter

What’s on at Northern Beaches Counselling & Mediation

A Couple’s Journey

07/07/2016

When the Age Gap In a Relationship Is Too Big?

Jul 02, 2016 10:03 am

When Being Different Ages Is the Difference That Can Make the Difference Recently I was asked about my thoughts on the impact that a difference in age might have on the future success of a relationship. Let me scatter some thoughts here before I answer the question specifically. I have known of marriages that had […]

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Age and Marriage

Jun 22, 2016 10:09 am

An email I received recently went something like this: “I would like to know what you think about the challenges that … age poses to the institution of marriage.” I love this question as I believe age poses a whole set of different issues for couples though none any less surmountable than those presenting to […]

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Why Is My Husband Addicted To Sex With Other Women?

Jun 03, 2016 10:01 am

Some time ago I received an email from a woman questioning her husband’s continuing infidelity despite the fact that they have been married for more than twenty years. The simple question was why he would continue doing this? The answer of course is never quite as simple as the question as there may be a […]

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The Love Drug

May 25, 2016 10:05 am

We all know when we are “in love” that our common sense seems to fail us as all we think about is the subject of our love and the delight there will be next time we meet. Even just thinking about them can result in that flurry in our stomachs as if they were with […]

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Relationship Remedy

07/07/2016

What Is Marriage and Why Marry?

Jun 30, 2016 12:02 am
In this article I want to address some questions on what is marriage, why do we marry, and the role of extended families in marriage. Firstly let me define marriage. For me marriage is about two people committing themselves totally to one another. And I’ll add to this my personal opinion that this may refer […]

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To Give or Not to Give (a Second Chance)

Jun 22, 2016 12:08 am
So often I am told about infidelities, hurts and disappointments between couples and then asked whether the offenders should be given another chance. I think the question is often asked because the offender has felt some remorse for the misdeed and they, both in the couple, are hoping that this is enough to get them […]

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Seven Rules for Effective Problem Solving

Jun 03, 2016 12:09 am
I’m often asked why when a couple starts a conversation about something that is really important to them it often just ends in another fight. Improving your skills in this area will help your relationship mature in a healthy way keeping it strong and happy. For a couple to reach decisions without unnecessary battles […]

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Are You Thinking of Leaving? Consider These Seven Things

May 25, 2016 12:04 am
Being the one to decide whether or not to leave a relationship can be just as hard as the one being left, and for some even more so. The one being left really has no say in the matter. The one making the decision to leave is the one taking absolute responsibility for what will […]

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Love Lies & Games

07/07/2016

The Traffic Light for Change

May 11, 2016 10:08 am

In all relationships there is only one kind of response to your partner that is acceptable. If the couple are well tuned to themselves and each other this could be happening from the beginning though for many this is a growth thing and doesn’t develop until much later as you come to know each other…

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Getting What You Want from Your Partner

Apr 30, 2016 10:25 am

Pavlov’s Dogs and Skinner’s Theory of Conditioning Ivan Pavlov, a Russian Physiologist, and BF Skinner, a US Psychologist, are most well known for their experiments with behaviour in the early 1900s. You might recall hearing about Pavlov’s behaviour modification experiments with dogs and pairing feeding them meat with a ringing bell. Naturally the dog would…

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How to Be Assertive

Mar 23, 2016 11:14 am

When in relationship, as in life, our thoughts, feelings and behaviours become habits. Getting what you want could thereby follow those old well-worn habits, sometimes successfully and sometimes not. If not, you could use this to inspire and even change the way you express your thoughts and feelings. You can become more assertive by following…

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Responding Assertively to Game Playing

Mar 11, 2016 04:39 am

I will illustrate the topic with an example from the story of “Lyn” and “James”. At one time Lyn decides to take her children on vacation with a girlfriend and her children for a few days. But when Lyn tells James of the plan, he is not OK with it. When she asks why, he…

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A Couple’s Journey
Relationship Remedy
Love Lies & Games

Recent Events

What Makes Me The Way I Am?

What Makes Me So Different From You?

Have you ever spoken with your family and discovered that when talking about how life was for you as a child it’s like you grew up in two different families? …

Click here to learn more.

Quizzes & Questionnaires

The “Chemistry” Test

Here’s a test to measure how well your sexual relationship is working.

Answer the following questions about what’s true or false for you and your partner.

Click here to start the quiz.

What’s Your Favorite Position?

To discover your favorite place in the games you play with your partner, try this quick quiz.

Check off the responses that feel most like you. The position that has the highest number of checks in the “frequently” column is the one from which you are most likely to play your games.

Click here to start the quiz.

Other Quizzes & Questionnaires

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A Couple’s Journey

The Secret of a Good Marriage

Nov 25, 2015 11:01 am

A good marriage is the ultimate dream of every person in relationship. From the moment the decision to marry has been made right through the preparation of the wedding ceremony; the couple can’t help but to create their own fantasy about a good marriage. Unfortunately, for some it only ever is a fantasy. The reality […]

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Love versus Infatuation

Nov 18, 2015 11:02 am

When we first meet someone we can sometimes confuse a very strong feeling of attraction towards them, one that we might think is love, for what is actually infatuation. We might then notice our attraction towards that person decreasing and we realize that if we act on this feeling too quickly we may have made […]

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I Am Not In Love – Can I Still Be Happy In a Relationship?

Nov 11, 2015 11:16 am

I think this question needs some qualifiers first about love and what is love as well as about relationship and what is relationship. In this context I will use love to mean any deep and meaningful caring of one person toward another. So I can truly love my partner but I can also equally love […]

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What Is God’s Will for Me?

Nov 04, 2015 11:06 am

From my reader: Thank you for this opportunity. I hope your site can help to educate many in the area of marriage, so that we can have a community of very happy people-to the glory of God. The following are the common burning questions: – For believers, they want to know if the person […]

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Relationship Remedy

Jealousy – the Green-eyed Monster

Nov 25, 2015 12:08 am

Sometimes couples come into me with an issue around jealousy, otherwise known as the “Green-eyed Monster”. When you feel jealous of someone, the slightest gesture of deception seems to be the greatest betrayal of the world. You cannot see them talking and socializing with anyone, you just want them to pay attention to you and […]

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How to Find Unconditional Love in Your Relationships?

Nov 18, 2015 12:00 am

I’ve already addressed in another article what is unconditional love but let’s review. Put simply, and as the words would imply, unconditional love is love that is given without the expectation of anything in return. Conditional love, on the other hand, is the love that is given in response to love received and generally has […]

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Does Unconditional Love Exist?

Nov 11, 2015 12:06 am

There’s a saying I’ve heard, and possibly even said myself, which suggests that the only love that is unconditional is the love of a mother for her newborn baby. The adage goes on to say that maybe this only lasts twenty-four hours or until your first sleepless night. To answer this question let’s firstly look […]

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Is Marriage Going Out Of Style?

Nov 04, 2015 12:06 am

You may already know that I have four children, all adults, who are starting to look at entering into long term relationships now that their childhood has passed them by […]

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Love Lies & Games

Common Reasons for the Games People Play

Nov 25, 2015 11:02 am

In the previous article I talked about a very delicate and manipulative game we grown-ups play sometimes. The game is ‘Why Don’t You…?’ and ‘Yes, but…’ Some people have played so much; they don’t even realize that they are playing it. Why though? Common reasons for the games people play In the previous article I […]

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An Example of the Games People Play

Nov 20, 2015 01:50 am

Grown-ups mind games: ‘Why don’t you..?’ and ‘Yes, but…’ When we were children, we all used to play games, most of them funny and harmless. The older we got the more intensive the games became. And because a child’s mind is so easily shaped the games he observes, and is often a party to, during […]

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The Purpose of the Games People Play

Nov 11, 2015 10:35 am

People often ask me – why are relationships so complicated? The short answer is – because there are two in the game. The games people play are a complicated mix of roles that are lived out unconsciously and driven by the equally unconscious need to stand by them on a daily basis. In short these […]

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The Games People Play

Nov 05, 2015 12:53 am

One thing is certain – human relationships are a complicated maze that has no entry or exit signs. It’s as if we start a relationship with our eyes closed, groping our way to the entrance of the maze but without a clear vision. We have no map or knowledge of how long it will take […]

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